Quitting vs Letting Go

How can we tell the difference between quitting and just "letting go" of our startup?

The outcome is the same, but how we feel about each path dramatically changes how we approach it. When we think about "quitting," we feel like a big loser. "Quitting is weak!" we may tell our alpha brains. We associate quitting with giving up, and that feels like a deeper, more humiliating version of failure.

Conversely, letting go feels kinda zen by comparison. It sounds like we've thoughtfully weighed our options and made a mature, worthy decision to move forward on a healthier path.

But are we just kidding ourselves because we're really giving up, or should we be proud of ourselves because we've made a sound decision?

Hello, Dr. Ego

Whenever I contemplate quitting versus letting go, I immediately consult "Dr. Ego," my personal therapist. She lives in my brain and only seems to want to get into these deep, emotional struggles when I'm laying awake at 3 a.m. staring at the ceiling, wondering what I just got myself into.

She explains to me that 90% of my decision-making when it comes to these things is never about facts; it's about emotion. It's about my personal perception of myself, which by definition, is completely fabricated. This tells me that if I "feel" like I'm giving up, then that's what I'm doing. But if I "feel" like I'm letting go, then that's also what I'm doing.

Apparently, my ego is the sole determining factor in this decision, which is total bullshit, because I'm completely awesome and my ego is awesome too (yes, and very sarcastic!) But she's right about one thing, I need to start the comparison with a realization that the difference either way is going to be my own perception of it.

So when is it "Quitting"?

There's no perfect answer, but generally quitting implies leaving early at startups. That actually wouldn't be so bad, except the notion is that we should have stayed, but we were too incapable of making it work. Let's call it what it sounds like — failure — whether it's really failure or not.

That failure brings with it many emotions, but guilt tends to be one that rises to the top for Founders because we often have other people attached to our outcome. Our employees, investors, customers, and even our friends and family all create some pressure around that failure.

What no one tells you at the time, so I'm going to tell you now, is that we rarely regret the things we quit. We often regret the things we should have quit long ago, and startups tend to consistently fall into this category. I've quit tons of things, even those that would have made me more money if I stayed, and to his day, I'm never like, "Oh man, I really wish I could have prolonged that misery so that I could have a nicer car!" To hell with that...

Time to Let it Go

The most productive path we can take is to "let it go," but unfortunately, that assumes we're cool with that decision. Many of us never feel validated because we're in a crappy situation to begin with, so the idea of "being cool about it" is the furthest thing from our mind.

That's because we're too focused on what we're leaving behind versus what we're gaining. We focus on losing the potential opportunity or sunk cost. Instead, we should be focused on not being miserable, being able to earn real money again, and being freed from something that's become a noose around our necks.

The difference between quitting and letting go is our realization that things that are bad for us should be put behind us. Are there cases where it takes some pain to build something great? Of course. But just because something is painful doesn't mean it's leading to somewhere great.

In Case You Missed It

Focus On What You Don’t Want To Do What happens when instead of worrying about the things we want to do, we focus on the things we never, ever want to do again? How can we start to take huge steps in reducing our overall stress?

That Founder Sold For Too Little! (podcast) A lot of Founders are stigmatized for selling their Startups for too little. The glaring truth is that non-Founders have never had that much money in their entire life! So their opinions aren’t valid.

Build Your Startup Around Your Passion Not every passion pays well. However, instead of starting with, "what will make the most money?" and hoping we like it, let’s start with what we’re most passionate about and figure out how to do that profitably.